The Ram Who Lost Her Focus
I think there must be a mistake on my birth certificate. No, not my parents…way too many personality traits the same to deny that one! Not the location – definitely mid-Western at heart. Possibly the year – most days I feel WAY younger than what it says I’m supposed to be. No, it’s the month. With the distinctive two personalities I’ve been experiencing of late, I swear I must be a Gemini!
There is a side of me that is very much a go-getter. I get energized by doing more and more and love that adrenaline rush. There is nothing more satisfying than crossing off that to do list and moving on to the next one. I have taken great pride in juggling many balls at the same time and love the start of something new. And then there’s the other me…
This other side is the polar opposite. I am very content to putter around the house, doing little things here and there – or nothing at all. I could spend hours in bed and be content to never leave my house for days on end. A vacation at a beach with nothing to do but to read a good book is pretty close to heaven for me.
Having these two sides is fine as long as I can balance them and not let one or the other get too much control. If the energized side takes over I end up getting burnt out and usually sick. If the sloth side wins, then pretty much nothing gets done and I start resenting my surroundings and the increasing pent-up demands on my time. I’ve learned over the years how to recognize when one is getting a little too big for its britches and take the steps to get it in check. Then there are those times when their battle for control causes a complete impasse and I have a minor meltdown. Yesterday was one of those days.
Its quite disturbing when I experience any type of conflict and especially so when it is internally focused. The part of me that wants to do, go, be organized and accomplished was in high gear and the laid back side just wanted to play and be loved. An image that came to me was of a person standing helplessly by the side of a highway, with life zooming past and around, helplessly wanting someone to slow down and notice them. The result was a feeling of complete frustration. The fix? Time to get back to meditation. Seems I”ve kind of “forgotten” to take the time to quiet my mind and allow myself time to decompress and ready myself for the day ahead.
Today’s a new day and a new re-commitment to myself to get back on the beam with some necessary self-care. Maybe I’ll find after a time that I’m really not a Gemini after all. Maybe I’m just a Ram who’d lost her focus. I’m looking forward to seeing straight again!
Tags: balance, frustration, Gemini, self-care, two sides of personality