The person in front of me at the drive-thru ATM was obviously having some operator difficulty as they had now partially opened their door and were hanging out, trying to complete their banking transaction.  The person behind me was also in some sort of distress, as they were beeping the horn impatiently. I was in the luxurious position of having time on my hands, having had a meeting cancel while I was en route to it.  Between thinking “What ARE they doing up there?” and “Could she be beeping at me?  What does she want me to do, ram her to get her to hurry up?”, I just sat back and let my mind wander, grateful that the heater in my car was fully operational.  Man, it has been COLD!

A movement to my right caught my eye and I noticed a little bird hopping under some bushes.  How sweet, I thought.  It took a moment more before the whole scene registered:  there was bright green grass, birds, sunlight….SPRING!  Honestly, my heart fluttered.  This little oasis had been carved out by the sunlight on the south side of the building, shielding it from the snow and other wintery effects.  It was nothing short of magical to me and infused me with a large helping of hope that in spite of the cold and dreariness enveloping us of late, this too shall pass!

When I got home, still buoyed by warm and happy thoughts, I looked up at a tree in my yard.  There on the branches were red leaf buds.  No way.  Didn’t this tree know that it was 17 degrees outside??  I kept looking around to see if either this was a joke or maybe I had really missed a couple of months along the way.  I didn’t find any others like it, but the fact of its existence stayed with me.  It stood there, almost defiantly optimistic that yes, Spring IS on its way.

I’d love to be more like that tree – able to stand strong through the adverse conditions and still present its promise of better days ahead.   Or like that bird who found that patch of sunshine in an otherwise gray world.  Perhaps if I could do that, it might make the path a little brighter for someone else as well.  Maybe even a harried ATM user.

I was privileged this week to attend an event featuring senior executive women sharing their experiences.  I actually have attended many, many events featuring executive women sharing their experiences.  What was different about this one was the degree of honesty.  Perhaps it is a sign of the times, but nearly to a woman, each had a story of being let go from a position they loved.  For some of them it had been years ago; for some merely days.  What I and the other audience members witnessed was a glimpse at the humanity behind the title.   Women shared the pain of being the messenger of bad news to others – getting physically ill prior to giving an announcement.  They shared of being in shock and spending the weekend in bed, eating ice cream and crying, when they were on the receiving end of the release.  They shared their weakness and they shared their strengths.

And yet, to a woman, none of them stayed mired in their distraught.  They allowed themselves the time to grieve the loss and found a way to come back stronger.  For most it was a reminder that they are more than their title.  And for all, it was the relationships that they had built that pulled them forward to their next experience. 

In many ways my story is not all that different from theirs.  Circumstances and responsibilities may not be the same, but the feelings are oh so familiar.  Their willingness to share their pain and triumphs gave me a little more encouragement as I trod this winding path.  I can only hope to pass that hope forward as well.

I’ve been living in my head for the past few weeks and believe me, it ain’t a pretty place!  It is amazing how the gift of imagination can flip and become a harbinger of fear and doubt.  Sadly I have many bedfellows in this doom and gloom mentality and the outlook doesn’t seem to be getting all that much rosier.  I have been feeling overwhelmed, overextended and overburdened with life and knew I needed to do something.  So I got a puppy. 

Perhaps there are those of you out there who are aghast at what I just said.  Well, I just got ONE puppy, not eight.  I don’t think I have gone that far over the edge (yet).  And believe me, there are moments when I do doubt my own ability to reason.  But in some ways, it was the sanest decision I’ve made in a long time.

A large part of my life lately has been spent trying to “figure things out”.  I have been consumed with numbers and scenarios and what if schemes.  I have spent hours planning and replanning.  I track time, expenses, what I eat, and what needs to be done.  I am frankly exhausted.  So as part of my grand plan, I decided it was time to start to THINK about what type of dog to get IN THE FUTURE to fill the void left by our beloved Bernese Mountain Dog, Tessie, who passed away in 2007.  The plan was to take the kids down to look – just LOOK – at the puppies where my fiancé’s daughter works.  (Besides, then I could check off the “to do” of having the kids meet each other).  You can see how well that plan worked!

Best of intentions:  I had thought I had planned everything, told them countless times we were JUST LOOKING, and brought nothing with me that would allow me to actually buy a dog yet.  I just didn’t plan on allowing my heart to play any role in this.  Obviously there were plans in place bigger than mine. 

One look, one babysoft cuddle, one puppy kiss and my heart took over, pushing my previously dominant logical mind far into the background.  Here was what was missing for me – allowing myself that gift of unconditional love.  The “I don’t care where you are, who you are, or where you are going” kind of in-the-moment loving free of human trappings and failings.  I was hooked.  The kids’ pleading not to go home “empty lapped” was nothing compared to the insistent voice of my heart.  And so, Miss Lily has now entered our lives and changed them forever.

I am someone blessed with a loving family, amazing friends, wonderful business associates and a truly adoring partner.  The love that surrounds and envelopes me is not lost on me nor taken for granted.  But at times, and unfortunately all too frequently of late, I can find myself slipping into that old pattern of living in the future and forgetting what is happening right now.  There is nothing like the insistent loving of a pet to bring you back to the moment and remind you of what is really important. 

Life can be filled with slips and slides, mountains to climb and obstacles to overcome.  We can make plans, chart courses of action and align resources to achieve our goals. But when all is said and done and planned and executed, nothing compares to the purity and completeness of a decision of the heart.   

 I was at a conference for women business leaders a couple of weeks ago listening to some very successful and respected women business owners talking about how to weather this economic storm.  It must have been about a third of the way into the day when that little voice inside my head suddenly woke up and said “You mean this isn’t just happening to me?!”  Now I consider myself to be an intelligent woman with a relatively global perspective on life but for some reason I was taking the sudden economic downturn personally.  As if the forces conspired when they saw I was starting a business and said “Ah, let’s see how much she can really take!”   

It makes me wonder what else I do that is wrapped up in that “it’s all about me” thinking.  Not that I’m asking for those who know me well to suddenly rush forward with substantiating evidence!  And unfortunately I don’t think I’m alone in this phenomenon.   In speaking of the economy, I have witnessed it on a regional basis over the past two years, where friends of mine in Michigan have been suffering for at least that long with what we here on the East Coast are just now experiencing.  I know people here that would look at news reports of economic struggles quizzically, as if it were happening on another continent, not within our own country.  Look at the issues of poverty or homelessness:  unless it is happening directly to you, it is difficult to grasp the global effect.    

On the other side of that coin, whatever happens to one affects the whole, even when it is good.  We tend to focus on the negative, but what about the positive trends?  The Olympics are a great example.  One person works very hard and achieves a goal and the country celebrates and shares in the pride and achievement.  There are millions of little “wins” happening all over the world daily and we can be a part of that celebration as well.  Or we can choose to focus on the losses and revel in our victimhood.   

I have seen these times become increasingly stressful and difficult for substantial numbers of people.  I feel the fear that is oozing around us, eager to gain a foothold.  And I have found myself sliding down that slippery slope into despair and gloom.   

But I have also seen that there is a reawakening of the creative spirit.  From the ashes I have seen amazing strength and ingenious solutions arise.  I am feeling an energy that is gaining momentum, a shift from self-reliance to holding out your hand and pulling each other up.  I have been infused with hope again and the prospect that although the road may be rocky, we’re still walking in the right direction.   

At this time of year when we reflect on all that we have and that for which we are grateful, the realization that it is not all about me is one to rank high on my list.  To realize I am part of something much bigger and that together we have incredible resources to pull us through is indeed a blessing.  I am grateful to all of you who in your own way have pulled me up.  May your path be full of extended hands as well.