Two ways to elicit a smile from me this time of year:  Staples commercials and “Schools in Session” signs being posted.  Mine is a lifelong tradition of being excited at this time of year, but coming from very different perspectives.  I used to love school as a kid and couldn’t wait to get back and see my teachers, get my new books, new pencils, and of course, new school clothes.  Then in college I just couldn’t wait to get back to see my friends and get on with my “real” life.  When I became a teacher I couldn’t wait to meet my new students.  And now as a parent, well, I just can’t wait for a quiet house!!!

A friend and I were talking about this yesterday and we decided that the kids have had 2 months of vacation – now the parents should have a month off.  We’re not asking for much:  just 50% of what the kids got.  Instead of going back to work or laundry or committees, we should just go on holiday.  How lovely that would be?!  There – a third way to make me smile!

The truth is, taking a break from any routine, regardless of how much you love it or not, is very important.  And although a month’s vacation sounds idyllic, even the few hours of a quiet house will be therapeutic.  It’s important to have a change of routine and  to take a break, regardless of how long it may be.  Workers today most often eat lunch at their desk, or in their cars, and don’t give their bodies the downtime they need.  A few minutes change of routine is enough to stop the continual flow of adrenaline and stress hormones – something that is necessary to curb or you’ll find yourself facing physical ailments in the long term.

So it is wise and appropriate that our forefathers (mothers?) decreed that we celebrate  and honor the laborers – by taking a break from it!  I’ll be more than happy to partake in this tradition and give myself a few kudos while relaxing on the beach.  And next week, when my kids go off to school, I’ll be celebrating and honoring them as well – along with a few million other parents.

Happy Un-Labor Day everyone!!

I think in a past life I must have been a scientist or an alchemist because most of this life I have spent searching for the magic formula – for just about everything.  I try to figure out just what I can and can’t eat in order to lose weight, what to do to feel better, what to wear to look better;  it all has a certain complexity to it wherein too much of this or too little of that will throw the whole thing off.  No wonder I often feel exhausted!

This awareness came to mind when I was recounting my story of “how I got here” to a new client at work the other day.  I was reflecting on my early days in the field of work/life balance and how it had grabbed me – so much more than my “real” job of selling computers.  Now I see why:  it has all those formulation elements!

I’m realizing that at times in order to feel balanced I need to be in my head and actually figure out the numbers, like yes, you do need 7 hours of sleep so you can’t work on that project till midnight tonight.  I need to actually write out a schedule, being the visual person I am, so I can see where I have breaks, or else my body is in a perpetual state of panic.   And then, once I have “figured it out”, I need to let go, and give control back to my heart, and trust that its all good, regardless of what really happens.

And now, according to my calculations, a swallow more coffee, a trip to the gym, and my day will be launched on the right foot.  Stay tuned for tomorrow’s piece on best laid plans!

I swear I saw George Stephanopoulos on the elliptical machine at the Y this morning.  He even smiled at me the third time I looked at him – a sure sign it was him.  Well, at least that’s the story I’m sticking with today.

I happen to live in an area where there are a few celebrities.  Seeing one at the Y, or the grocery store, or at a soccer game is not terribly uncommon.  But I can’t understand why I, like so many others, still get a little thrill when it happens.  I mean, really, would I get that excited about seeing someone ask the clerk if they had octopus today if it was anyone other than Steven Colbert?  I highly doubt it.

The other day two very engertic and socially minded young men came to my door to encourage me to join their campaign against the government buying animal grade meat to use in school lunch programs (sad but true).  We had a great conversation and I was admiring their dedication to making the world a better place.  As we wound up our conversation, they had one final question:  where do the celebrities live around here?  I assured them that after meeting me, the rest would be downhill.  Somehow I don’t think they believed me.

Today I’m going to carry myself in the stature of a celebrity.  Maybe even wear shades, even though its not sunny.  And its not about getting the attention (although I never mind that!), but more about believing that I am worth it.  No autographs, please…

These days I rarely get a minute to sit and watch TV.    My DVR is about 90% full of shows I tape, thinking some day I’ll get to them.  But 2 of my 3 kids are away this week and somehow just that much less laundry to do has given me a couple extra minutes of free time.  Last night I decided to just do a little channel surfing before diving into the accumulated selection on hand.  And there it was:  “Lady Sings the Blues” – with sweet Billy Dee Williams sweeping me away once more!

I was in college when that movie first came out and I had the soundtrack, which I played over and over (and over and over…).  Just listening to his velvet voice was nothing short of rapture to me.  Oh yes, Diana Ross could sing a little too.  So I guess it really was no surprise that I ended up dating a guy who, after a couple of beers, looked just like Billy Dee!  Truthfully, I never really thought about that connection until last night when I watched the movie again, but it seems that lately I am becoming aware of a lot of things from my past to which I was previously oblivious!

My “Billy Dee” was pretty much the opposite of me – in skin color, nationality, personality, religion, etc.  He was exactly what I needed to take me away from my life.  I was at that time an unhappy, overweight party girl who felt unloved and unlovable.  Imagine my thrill at being noticed by this gorgeous man of the world!  His mere presence in my life caused a stir which rocked its very foundation.  It was my first attempt at risk-taking and breaking away and he was a willing partner in that flight.  Needless to say, just like in the movie, relationships built on that kind of intention rarely last and ours took the usual course.

But what I learned is that sometimes you do need to let others love you when you can’t love yourself.  You need to let others hold you and support you and let you know that yes, you are worth it.  And little by little, you start believing it too.  Only then, when you are strong enough to not need anyone, are you truly able to be in a good, healthy relationship.

I still didn’t have enough time last night to watch all the movie.  But tonight, it’s me and Billy Dee again.  God bless DVRs!

My son showed me his poor feet the other day and sure enough, he had what I call “New York feet”.  They come from walking blocks and blocks in fashionable shoes in ungodly hot weather in the city.  I figured that only women got this but it makes sense that he would since he is the same kid who, as a toddler, had such fat little feet that it actually made the kindly old shoe store man work hard to try to find something to fit him.

I was thinking about how many times I have tried to make my life fit into an attractive package so that it looked good on the outside but in truth I was very uncomfortable inside.  Actually more times than I’d like to count.   I would come home with “New York feet of the Soul (Sole?)”, in pain and miserable and swearing I would never do that again.  And then, a few days later, I’d be right back at it because, as Fernando (aka Billy Crystal) would say “It’s not how you feel, it’s how. You. Look!”  I would suffer with the wrong fit in relationships, in jobs, in friendships, in living arrangements – anything as long as I felt it at least made me look “mahvelous”.

And then interestingly enough, one day I would find myself in a situation that fit well and boy, what a difference!!  If you only ever wear shoes that are too small and then one day get a pair that really fit you will know what I am talking about.  It is like night and day.  Having something that fits well changes your whole attitude!  You are no longer in pain – physical, psychic, emotional or mental.  You are free of constraints and open to possibilities.  You are not living in fear of the next step and what it may bring.  It truly opens up your world.

I am finally learning to notice when something is not fitting me well.  That step I have down pretty well.  I’m now working on learning to do something about it before the pain becomes unbearable.  The time frame between noticing it and actually doing something about it is shortening, but there is a lot of room for improvement.

Life is meant to be worn like a loose garment.  I’m getting more and more comfortable with that style every day.

I finally crossed another thing off my to do list:  frame the kids’ art work.  I’ve had this montage of precious artwork sitting in a folder under a bed for…well, let’s just say it’s been more than a couple of years.  There’s work from my daughter from Kindergarten – and she is entering high school this fall.  But I am proud to say that the frames have been bought, the art inserted, and the masterpieces are ready to be hung!

I cannot get over how amazing a simple child’s drawing looks once framed!  There is one picture that I swear could be in MOMA and I wouldn’t know the difference.  Take it out of the frame though and its just another drawing.

Wouldn’t it be nice if we could frame our lives?  If we could make them stand out and look special?  Give it that air of importance that it deserves?  The closest thing we have is a eulogy, where people paint the picture of someones life and put it out there for all to admire.  If you ever want to frame your own life, write your own eulogy.  And then live your life to meet its expectations.  Yesterday I stumbled across a quote I hope to use to frame my life:

“To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children…to leave the world a better place…to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Now I just have to hang those pictures.

I grew up surrounded by women – and strong women at that.  The men in my life were my father, who was very quiet, my grandfather, who was very much a guy’s guy, and an uncle who flitted in and out briefly and seemed to me to be a lot of fun but also made my aunt cry a lot.  Besides that, I didn’t know much about men, nor felt much need to know anything about them.  We were a pretty independent bunch: my grandmother was the one in the family with the power tools and my grandfather didn’t even drive.  I learned early there wasn’t much I “needed” a man for , or so it seemed at the time.

Then, in the infinite wisdom of the Universe, I had not one, but two sons.  I was completely baffled by these unknown creatures.  They were so unlike me in SO many ways!  I got a birds eye view into the care and feeding of this species, and although I can’t say I came to totally understand them, I certainly have a much better appreciation for them today.

I caught myself the other day passing on a family pattern of complaining about one’s partner to one’s daughter in a type of female bonding.  This coupled with an absurd report I heard televised about “Is there a need for men?” made me realize that I need to be one to shift some behaviors.  I need to educate my daughter not only on taking care of herself, but also on the wonderful aspects of men.  And I have discovered many over the years:

• I love the way men are strong in ways that I am not
• I love the way men think differently than me, making me expand my view of the world
• I love the way men challenge me intellectually
• I love the way men are the yin to my yang
• I love the way they bring out my feminine side
• I love the way they bring out my competitive side
• I love the fact that men retain that little boy spirit and can pull it up very easily, especially when around other men
• I love the way men have a language all their own
• I love the way men can be so black and white about a situation
• I love the fact that men, too, are evolving

Celebrating men and embracing them as a whole does not lessen or change my view of women.  If anything, it helps to anchor me in the knowledge of who I am and what I bring to the equation.  Vive le difference!

“When the student is ready, the teacher will appear” – Buddhist proverb

My teacher arrived 20 years ago.  My eldest son, TJ, came into this world full of passion and energy. An intense baby, I knew he would turn into a remarkable adult – if we both survived his childhood!  And so far, my prediction is looking to be right on track.

TJ brought intensity and passion into my life in a time when I was insulated and numb.  I had lost connection with many feelings and was alienated from any direction in my life.  And here was a child who was so clear, so passionate, so intense – I could only look on in amazement.  At age 12 he decided to try ski racing, like his older cousins and did the local ski resort timed runs when we were there.  The next year he decided he wanted to join the development team and made a goal of not only doing those runs, but doing them well enough to qualify to go to the national time trials.  And he did it.  The following year he joined the ski team and made a goal of qualifying for the Pennsylvania state finals, even though it was his first year of competition and he was far behind the pack.  And he did it.  He went on to qualify for other races and then the Junior Olympics, always setting a goal and with a singular focus, achieving it.

At some point I stopped just watching in amazement and realized that this child was indeed in my life for a reason.  Among the many other things he has taught me, he is a master teacher about following your passion.  He has always been one to listen to his heart and to do what needs to be done.  Last year was his freshman year of college and he set aside competitive ski racing in place of starting a fraternity AND a business.  But this year, he went back to the skiing (in addition to the other activities!) and told me that he realized just how much he had missed it and how alive he feels when he is skiing.  Once again he had tapped into his passion and it had refueled him, giving him what he needed to keep going in that crazy college-life schedule he keeps.

I don’t think I’ll ever feel things as passionately as TJ – I don’t think many people do!  But I have learned from him that it is not only ok to follow your heart, but necessary.  It is what keeps us going, what gives us the energy to do what needs to be done.  It’s what makes it all worthwhile.

May you find your passion – and live it!

Earlier this week they arrested Russian spies living in the next town over.  Yesterday morning as I turned the corner, there was a deer galloping down the main street of our town.  Neither of these are things I would normally expect to encounter.   Evidently none of the neighbors of the spies expected it either because, as one of the neighbors so aptly put it, “they grew such beautiful hydrangeas”.  Exactly – who would expect Russian spies to have a green thumb?!  Gold finger perhaps…

In any case, my lesson between the spies and the poor lost deer was to expect the unexpected.  It really does make life more manageable if you can learn to roll with the punches.  My life is a continual series of unexpected course changes and it seems to flow with a lot more grace and ease when I just accept the theory that life is what happens while you’re making other plans.  Or to put it another way, the Yiddish proverb “Man plans.  God laughs.”

I have the next 5 days off.  I am making no plans.  Oh, there a few shopping trips with my daughter, a concert, maybe a trip to the beach and an annual 4th of July party with friends.  But I am open to possibilities.  With what has been happening lately, you just never know what may show up!

They just don’t make pedestals like they used to.  Seems every time I put someone up on one they invariably come come crashing down.

I used to think that putting someone on a pedestal was my way of honoring them.  Here I was, holding them up in high regard, and using them as the example of the cream of the crop, the way it should be – the way I should be.  I could list countless celebrities and public officials that have been placed in my gallery of excellence, only to fall shockingly off their perch, hurting me in the process.  Al & Tipper Gore just left their spot, formerly ensconced as “Long Term Happy Marriage”.  And then came Joan Borysenko.

Joan is an author and speaker who I’ve admired for years.  She writes about the mind/body connection and spiritual matters.  She’s a person who walks the talk.  I took a workshop with her a few years ago and got a chance to talk with her and “bonded”.  She even gave me a blessing for my Center, which I cherish.  So of course when the chance came to be her “friend” on Facebook, I jumped on it.  It’s been great being able to get to know her even more via this medium.  Well, sort of.  The other day she posted this:

I’m reminded of the parable of Rabbi Zusya who died and found himself standing before God. He apologized that he was not as wise as Solomon or as brave as David. God cut to the chase. “The only question that matters is why you weren’t Susya.” I think I’m finally ready to be Joan.

Crash.  Somewhere there was a pedestal breaking.  I was completely taken aback by her statement!  What did she mean she was finally ready to be Joan?  Who was she up until now?  Joan, to me, has always been a model of self-awareness and someone who is comfortable in their skin.  If she wasn’t being Joan before, she was putting up a pretty good front!

And yet, why should she be any different than anyone else?  I often don’t feel very self-assured and way too often find myself comparing myself to others and coming up short.  Hence the pedestals.  And I bet there are some reading this now who are having a similar reaction to hearing me say that as my hearing Joan say it.  It’s just one more lesson for me that our minds are often the last to know what our soul is already exuding.

I’m going to try getting out of the pedestal raising business for a while and instead merely acknowledge the excellent qualities in others – and embrace the same ones that already exist within me.  Might be a little less painful and a lot more satisfying in the long run.