I am superstitious enough that when I hear that tonight will be a “blue moon”, I feel the need to consult some power higher than myself to understand what this means.  If I had access to the internet here at this Starbucks (ahem….) I’d probably look at Wikipedia to see what that means.  Instead, earlier today I looked up my horoscope.  Now I’m all set for the year ahead. 

Here’s the blessing in getting older:  I have horrible short term memory and can’t remember anything I read an hour ago.  This way I can say I consulted my horoscope but am not bound by it, as I couldn’t tell you what it says!  I know it was something about being introspective, but then again, who isn’t at this time of year?  I think I share this feeling with many others, based on Facebook statuses I’ve been reading: that I’d prefer NOT to dwell on the past year and just run into something new.  Anything new.  2009 was the year that will be talked about in the same way I talk about the blizzards of 2005-06:  a thank-goodness-it’s-over and we lived through it!

But just in case that introspection thing has some merit – and wishing not to repeat history – I’ll take a look at what I learned this past year:

• Timing is everything
• Never forget to count on Murphy’s law
• Have faith in friends as they will get you through
• A puppy kiss takes away all kinds of pain
• Trust your first impression
• There are many levels to Love
• Give yourself time to grieve
• Open up to possibilities and they appear
• If you believe you can, you can
• The sun will come out tomorrow….

Here’s to a wonderful year end and fabulous New Year!!!

I took myself to the movies today to see “It’s Complicated”.  What a good decision.  Actually it wasn’t so much about the movie, although I did enjoy it, but that I trusted my gut decision on it.  I had wanted to see it since seeing the previews and, being a fan of 4 of the major characters, I figured it was a sure bet.  My 14 year old daughter was also wanting to go, as “Jim” from The Office is in it and we are big Office fans.  I just had a feeling it wasn’t quite right for her.  Then I toyed with the idea of taking my fiance, but as we have never gone to the movies together in over 2 years, I figured a “chick flick” was not going to be a big draw for him.  It would have been a good girlfriend movie, but everyone was busy.  So I went alone, and I am glad I did!

Perhaps it is the time of year or time of life, but I think I cried on and off throughout the whole thing.  The movie hit more than a couple of my buttons.  And anytime they are showing family….well, that does it.  I realized this week as I was out for dinner with my fiance’s daughter, sister, and brother-in-law that I am a sucker for family.  There is something about people who know you your whole life, know all your foibles and successes, and still want to be around you.  Granted, not all families get along and not everything is nice and pretty all the time, but there are those slivers in time when the oneness of family shines through and it is to me a truly blessed and sacred time.

My family is far flung but in the past year we’ve made great strides in reconnecting.  Facebook has allowed me to connect with European relatives, to start/restart a relationship with a cousin’s daughter, and to get closer to my sister.  And my Mom and Dad actually got cell phones for Christmas (they still have a rotary phone in the basement).  Who knows where this will lead??

My kids are on their way home now from a vacation with Dad.  We’re planning a “pre-celebratory” dinner tonight before my oldest heads off in the morning to attend the Rose Bowl (Go Ducks!)  We’ll share a meal and I am sure lots of laughs.  I just hope I got all my crying out of the way…

Inspiration can come from the strangest places.  Today my inspiration was a combination of a Nissan Dealership, Sly Stone – and me!  Let me explain….

A few weeks ago I was playing my ipod in my car and went to crank up Sly & The Family Stone”s “Dance to the Music”.  I heard the lyrics “All we need is a drummer,
for people who only need a beat”….and that was about all I heard.  Apparently I am someone who needs more than a beat in order to enjoy/dance to my music.  A trip to the local Nissan dealership uncovered the fact that my radio was defective and they needed to order me a new one.  Which brings me to today.

As I sat in the Nissan dealership awaiting the installation of my new radio, I was working on a post for today’s blog.  I must say, it was rather dreary.  I have not been in the most stellar of mindsets of late and it was, frankly, a bit of a downer to read.  I finished the piece and proceeded on to the next task, as the repair personnel were graciously giving me plenty of time to do everything I had brought with me (which at the time I thought would be way too much stuff).  This next activity involved editing past pieces I had written and will be compiling into a book.  As I read piece after piece, I found my spirits lifting and was amazed.  It was not that I don’t think I am capable of writing anything inspirational or motivational, but this was me who wrote them.  You’d think I’d know what they said.  But as Einstein said, “No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it”.  Truly, when I had written those pieces I was in a vastly different level of consciousness than the present moment.

Finally my car was ready and I decided to test the radio by listening to Sly Stone again.  This time I started with “Everybody is a Star”.  When I heard the lyric “I love you for who you are, not the one you feel you need to be”, it made me stop what I was doing.  Obviously it was what I needed to hear at that moment, as I’ve heard it hundreds of times before and it didn’t strike me the same way then.  I know a woman whose husband is Sly Stone’s PR agent – a VERY full time job!  Believe me, with the stories I’ve heard, I would never think of Sly as a source of inspiration!

The one thing I did mention in my discarded post (which I assure you, you’d be grateful I didn’t post…) was that I was starting a gratitude journal, now into the new year.  I find that regardless where my mind may be, taking the time to write down 5-10 things daily for which I am grateful really helps pull me out of my funk.  I am grateful to have 3 things t o add to my list already!

Christmas memories are awash in feelings ranging from giddiness to gloom.  My childhood memories are pretty much all golden, save one, and filled with joyful anticipation.  The expectation of having a wonderful, loving Christmas carried over into my adult years, something that can dangerous if held too closely.  If I try to recreate what in my mind was the ideal family scene, complete with a chance sighting of Santa (the REAL Santa, mind you…), I’ve set myself up for disappointment.

But there was one Christmas, back when my kids were little, when I remember REALLY feeling the Christmas spirit.  It was not that the house was decorated perfectly or that I had bought all the right gifts, or that my kids were acting in a way I felt age appropriate in anticipation.  It was as if I had tapped into some greater energy that truly was peace, goodwill towards all.  There was a calmness and joy that surrounded me and I saw goodness and light in everything and everyone.  Perhaps those that wrote the beloved Christmas carols felt the same, as I am noticing just a little coincidence in the words I am choosing as I write this!!!

As the presents are wrapped, the house is clean, and the preparations for the big day are finishing up, I’m working on getting out of my head into my heart – tapping into that vastness of love that is ours for the taking.  I hope to meet you there!!!

May you share the blessings of the day and the season with those you love!!!

I dreamt I was at a business conference in Utah and during a break I decided to buy a dog – a very large white furry dog, like a Great Pyrenees.  It was the greatest thing – until I realized I had no idea how to get it home.  I panicked, focusing on how I didn’t have enough money to bring it back and berating myself for not thinking this through.    All I can say is I am glad it was a dream!

The interesting thing about dreams is how they play out unconscious thoughts and beliefs.  To me a dog is something I love.  If I follow through on the dream’s action, I was in a position where I was fearful of losing what I loved because I didn’t have what it took to keep it.  And because I was totally focused on the lack, I could not come up with other creative solutions.  It was a dream, for goodness sake:  I could have had a kind stranger come and give me the money I needed – or buy me an airplane – or move my home to Utah – or have the dog and I sprout wings and fly home ourselves!  But obviously my issue du jour is to look at my focus on the lack.

It is so important to realize the attitude in which you operate.  Is it from a position of lack or poverty consciousness or one of abundance?  Do you worry that someone else will take your slice of the pie, or do you believe the pie will just be made larger as needed?  Life has a way of accommodating your mindset.

In looking further at my dream, I was forced to look at other parts of my life.  Where else was I approaching from a feeling of lack?  Well, take eating.  I am eating like there is no tomorrow these days!  I believe there is no cookie safe from my grasp within a 2 mile radius.  The holidays and the associated gift buying certainly start playing a number on my mind and wallet, causing me to think the well is running dry.  And I can even draw the analogy to relationships, where I can find myself fearing the worst for no apparent reason.  The fear associated with lack can be very persistent and very pervasive.

This holiday season is a wonderful time to remind myself of the gift of abundance.  To shift to this wonderous attitude truly opens up possibilities.  Regardless of the faith, holiday stories are resplendent in their message of hope and optimism and abundance from what was previously inconceivable.  This attitude is mine to embrace, if I choose to do so.

Tonight maybe I’ll dream about snuggling up with my gorgeous husband and that furry love bundle in my new home overlooking the ocean – the one I bought after I wrote that motivational best seller that Oprah just LOVED.  Hey, if you’re going to embrace abundance, you might as well think big!

We had a lovely snow “storm” over the weekend.  I am seeing the advantages of being a girl who grew up in the snowbelt – I just don’t panic when there is snow in the forecast.  Quite the contrary with folks around here, including my fiance.  We went to the grocery store on Saturday, just to get things to eat for dinner, and were greeted with checkout lines that literally snaked twice around the frozen food aisles and required at least 3 police officers to control the flow.  Then there was my fiance up at 6am to shovel because it might freeze later.  Actually I am not complaining about that one…

But for a person who claims to be so done with snow, I have to admit I am enjoying this one.  It is gorgeous and only now showing a bit of dinginess.  There is something very calming about snow, if you stay off the roads and out of stores!  Here’s a piece I wrote, inspired by a storm years ago:

May this winter find us enjoying the serenity and beauty of the season, calming our inner child and radiating a genteel tranquility that touches all in our path.

A riddle for you:  what can be both seen and unseen at the same time?

Answer:  The Truth

It is easy to see the answer when it is about someone else and yet can be invisible at same time to one’s own self.    Boggles the mind.  This became very clear to me last week when my son was berating me for not paying more attention to our smaller, older dog.  He was telling me that just because the puppy demands your attention and makes it difficult to spend any time with the other dog, it is just not right nor fair to the older one.  I just stared at him in amazement.  He was just describing the scenario with himself and his younger siblings where he, of very large energy and demands, operates very much like our puppy.  It was amazing to me that he could see the phenomenom very clearly in another scenario but was totally clueless when I asked him if it drew any parallels to his life.  It reminded me of a friend who will talk about how someone is so nasty and biased – and then in almost the same sentence will utter nearly the same thing.  I have been left speechless on more than one occasion by the irony of it.

Lest I seem all high and mighty about this, it occured to me this morning that if this happens to others, it most certainly happens to me.  One area in which I realized I have a blind spot is in the fear of making the wrong decision.  Somewhere, a long time ago, I came up with the irrational belief that I need to make the RIGHT decision…or else….  This can be crippling and tremendously ineffectual and generally is applied to decisions which have some sort of ego stake in it.  I will sit on the sidelines for a long time before I’ll jump in.  On the other hand, I have countless examples of times I’ve made a decision and found out it wasn’t a good one…and I’ve actually lived to talk about it!  In fact, most times I’ve come out better on the other end BECAUSE of it.  And yet I can almost see that part of me that holds the key/control closing its eyes, with hands over the ears and humming madly so as not to hear the truth.

I think I may see a New Years Resolution in the making….

Somewhere during my teen years when I decided I was too fat (oh to be that “fat” again!), I gave up mashed potatoes.  Not only did I not eat them,  I convinced myself that I didn’t even like the taste of them.  There was no temptation any longer; eating mashed potatoes was just not something I did.

Having a “bad day” was also something I just did not do any longer as of a few years ago.  I don’t remember that being a conscious decision my part, unlike the mashed potatoes, but more a new way of looking at life.  It was how I was choosing to look at life, rather than letting circumstances dictate my mood.  I really had a hard time imagining a day being “bad” – it became that foreign a concept to me.

It was the Blue Sky Restaurant that started the demise of my potato aversion.  They had garlic smashed potatoes and since everyone raved about them, I had to try them.  Let’s just say they were nothing like the milky whipped potatoes of my youth!  Unfortunately they hooked me back in and now…well, I’m salivating at the thought of them.

I’m not saying its the mashed potatoes fault, but I’m noticing that a few times in the past year I’ve also felt as though I was having a bad day.  Nothing too serious but the concept which used to be foreign to me has some degree of reality now.  And in the same way that “just one cookie” leads to a 3 month sugar binge for me, there’s a danger in allowing myself to “have a bad day”.  Sure, some moments are not all that fun, but if I choose to see what I can learn from them instead of starting to ladle on the self pity, the bad feelings dissipate much more quickly.

Holidays are awash with temptations and I know it’s my choice on how I want to deal with them.  A few potatoes here, a cookie there, a grouchy statement over here….  the snowballs will flying in no time.  Better to decide now that these will be the best days – and choose to really believe it.   I know I – and everyone around me – will be grateful for it!

When I was in college I had a fascination with frat boys.  They were the antithesis of what I grew up with in a house with 4 strong females and an overwhelmed male.  These guys lived in the moment, were free to express themselves in all ways and loved to have fun.  The free beer didn’t hurt either. I just loved hanging out with them and I am sure I wished that it would never end.

Be careful what you wish for….

Two years ago when I met my fiancé I was ecstatic to learn that he had been in my “favorite” fraternity!  I was thrilled when he invited me to the Homecoming tailgate party with “the brothers”.  When we got there, as expected, there were all the cute boys laughing, having fun and living life to the extremes.  Of course they were surrounded by the equally gorgeous sorority girls, which caused a reaction that made me realize I may have some unresolved feelings in that area…  And then there were these old guys, standing around and pretending they were part of “the brothers”.  I was disgusted until it hit me that I was with that crowd, not the young one where my mind thought I should be.  I wasn’t disgusted, I was distraught.

Fast forward to the present day:  I have resolved my inconsistency of mind and body and am comfortable in my own skin.  I have a son who is now home from college for a couple of weeks, fresh from his first semester living in a frat house.  He has not quite assimilated back into a family environment as of yet and I am getting way too much of a peak into what it is like to be a 19 year old living without rules and too much testosterone.  What was fun and exciting about frat boys when I was 19 is just plain gross now.  What WAS I thinking???

Time to pull out my old mantra from when I had little children:  “This too shall pass”.

I hope.

I believe I slipped into a parallel universe yesterday, just for a moment.  I was driving and listening to the radio.  Don’t remember if it was a song, or a commercial for Macy’s, but something triggered a thought in my mind and I smiled as I said to myself, “Boy if I ever live in this area and have little kids, I think I’ll take them to Macy’s to see the Santa there”.  Fortunately for the other drivers around me, I snapped back to this reality as soon as my rational mind registered that thought.  Not only do I live in this area, but I have for 20 years now and I have raised 3 children well past the visiting Santa stage.  Bizarre…

I’m thinking that this is what happened to Tiger Woods. I think maybe he was in a parallel universe for the past few years, where he was a single man of amazing powers and all women he desired would leave with him at his command.  His accident a few weeks ago I believe permanently jolted him back into this reality.  And Mark Sanford was in a parallel universe where the Adirondack Trail actually leads to Argentina.  I could go on and on…

The problem with this parallel universe business is that those around you in this world aren’t part of the other one.  I am sure my kids wouldn’t be too happy to hear that they were not in my parallel universe.  I can only surmise that Mrs. Woods is feeling somewhat the same about her husband’s.  Fortunately mine only involved thoughts of department stores and Santa Claus.  Probably right about now Tiger is wishing his were the same.