I’ve been living in my head for the past few weeks and believe me, it ain’t a pretty place!  It is amazing how the gift of imagination can flip and become a harbinger of fear and doubt.  Sadly I have many bedfellows in this doom and gloom mentality and the outlook doesn’t seem to be getting all that much rosier.  I have been feeling overwhelmed, overextended and overburdened with life and knew I needed to do something.  So I got a puppy. 

Perhaps there are those of you out there who are aghast at what I just said.  Well, I just got ONE puppy, not eight.  I don’t think I have gone that far over the edge (yet).  And believe me, there are moments when I do doubt my own ability to reason.  But in some ways, it was the sanest decision I’ve made in a long time.

A large part of my life lately has been spent trying to “figure things out”.  I have been consumed with numbers and scenarios and what if schemes.  I have spent hours planning and replanning.  I track time, expenses, what I eat, and what needs to be done.  I am frankly exhausted.  So as part of my grand plan, I decided it was time to start to THINK about what type of dog to get IN THE FUTURE to fill the void left by our beloved Bernese Mountain Dog, Tessie, who passed away in 2007.  The plan was to take the kids down to look – just LOOK – at the puppies where my fiancé’s daughter works.  (Besides, then I could check off the “to do” of having the kids meet each other).  You can see how well that plan worked!

Best of intentions:  I had thought I had planned everything, told them countless times we were JUST LOOKING, and brought nothing with me that would allow me to actually buy a dog yet.  I just didn’t plan on allowing my heart to play any role in this.  Obviously there were plans in place bigger than mine. 

One look, one babysoft cuddle, one puppy kiss and my heart took over, pushing my previously dominant logical mind far into the background.  Here was what was missing for me – allowing myself that gift of unconditional love.  The “I don’t care where you are, who you are, or where you are going” kind of in-the-moment loving free of human trappings and failings.  I was hooked.  The kids’ pleading not to go home “empty lapped” was nothing compared to the insistent voice of my heart.  And so, Miss Lily has now entered our lives and changed them forever.

I am someone blessed with a loving family, amazing friends, wonderful business associates and a truly adoring partner.  The love that surrounds and envelopes me is not lost on me nor taken for granted.  But at times, and unfortunately all too frequently of late, I can find myself slipping into that old pattern of living in the future and forgetting what is happening right now.  There is nothing like the insistent loving of a pet to bring you back to the moment and remind you of what is really important. 

Life can be filled with slips and slides, mountains to climb and obstacles to overcome.  We can make plans, chart courses of action and align resources to achieve our goals. But when all is said and done and planned and executed, nothing compares to the purity and completeness of a decision of the heart.